Critics are saying Aquaman was “fine" and “didn't suck like I thought it would.” Some are even calling it “The best DC movie since DC Cab.”

I stand with the rest of America in declaring “I kinda liked that. big dumb action movie.” But you know who really liked it? China.

Aquaman earned $67 million in its US opening weekend. Not bad, but it's made a whopping $410 million in China since opening there on December 7th. We were already trending in the big dumb CGI action movie direction. Well now you can expect more of that and a lot less “film.” In other words, hope you’re not big into the exploration of cultural nuance through cinema. Unless….

Maybe there was a lesson in Aquaman. Maybe we should deduce from the fact that this movie is huge in China, and all the major characters have mother issues, that maybe mommy abandonment issues in China are a pretty big deal.

Think about it. Black Manta had a warm relationship with his pirate-sidekick father. But where was mom? She wasn't pirating around with them, so I'm assuming she bailed. Which might explain how a loving father winds up a sociopath partnered with a rageaholic son—too many Hot Pocket dinners will do that. But couldn’t the malnourished Mantas just jack up people on dry land? Why piracy exactly ? Did the mom/wife go off on a Carnival Cruise with her girls and never come home or something?

And what about Mera, the princess played by Amber Heard? Her dad was Dolphin’ pretty hard, but where was mom? Mera seems well adjusted but water-specific telekinesis is the kind of hard-earned skill typically mastered by the product of a broken home.

Aquaman and his brother Orm were deeply affected by not having mom around. Atlanna had her reasons, but still. Side note: she was way more bad ass than you could reasonably expect Nicole Kidman to be. Given the movie's popularity, and how cool and effective she and Arthur were with their spears, I’m fully expecting quindents and tridents to become fixtures in the cross fit world. Push a tire, run a lap, throw a spear. Good times.

Do they have crossfit in China? I don't know. What I do know, is thanks to China, Aquaman is no longer a joke. And we can expect a lot more movies with giant talking crabs.