I was both outraged and kinda psyched to learn that the Department of Defense put some of my hard-earned tax dollars towards unauthorized UFO research. 

I’m ambivalent as hell and I may or may not take it anymore.   

THE DOD reportedly spent $22 million over 5 years through a program called the Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program[1] (AATIP for short). When it comes to dubious government expenses, $22 million doesn’t sound so bad. Then again they didn’t find jack shit—that anyone’s told me about anyway. If you’re gonna skim off my tax dollars, I should at least get some tantalizing footage that looks like something from an early X-Files episode.

Looking at this from another angle, you kind of have to be concerned with how little they spent. Because on top of investigating UFOs, they were also working on little side-projects like trying to figure out how to build short-cuts through the fabric of space-time. Maybe it’s just me, but wormhole construction sounds really, really dangerous. Like something you should probably spend, conservatively, at least a quadrillion dollars on.

A guy named Robert Bigelow won the AATIP contract and was in charge of its research. He’s not an elected government official. He’s not even an unelected official. Or a scientist. But he is in a real estate, if that does anything for you.

So how to do you get to that level? It’s not that hard if you follow these simple steps.

Step 1—Make a billion dollars. It doesn’t have to be from anything cool. It can even be off something vaguely depressing, like say Golden Corral or Budget Suites of America.

Step 2—Befriend a politician. The politician doesn’t need to be charismatic. Just make sure they are very powerful. it could be a pet rock from an influential family. Or even Harry Reid.

Step 3—Get the politician to fund your passion project—hopefully that’ll at least be cool.  

That’s what Robert Bigelow did.  He made a billion dollars off Budget Suites of America. Because, according to Bigelow, he knew he’d need a crapload to figure out space travel for us.. And Golden Corral was already taken.

Step Deuce— Bigelow made friends with Harry Reid. Who apparently found $22 million for Bigelow' just laying around. Sounds like a great example of mo’ money, fewer problems.. But there's a parallel universe where that’s called embezzlement and you do hard time if you get caught.

Supposedly the AATIP ended its work in 2012.  And Luis Elizondo, the military intelligence guy who ran it took his talents to the private sector. Where he works for former Blink 182 singer Tom DeLonge on UFOs and space travel at the To The Stars Academy of Arts and Science[2]  

Apparently, To The Stars isn’t doing so hot . It was recently reported that it was $37 million in the red.

Coincdentally (or not), Tom has been talking up a Blink reunion recently. Even though Mark Hoppus says he is in no way down. But could Mark be persuaded? So we can get the hell off this planet and start terraforming already?  And what does Travis Barker think?   

Maybe Tom can convince them. Maybe Tom DeLonge’s UFO obsession gets Blink fans a tour and a new album.

Or maybe a new album and tour helps get humanity to the stars.

Maybe it’s both—a Blink reunion and space expeditions. And everybody wins.

Or do they?

I'm not sure anyone needs to go see a bunch of damn-near-fifty-year-olds play “What’s My Age Again?” and “All the Small Things”.  Then again, I really like “I Miss You”, and wonder if my favorite Halloween-on-Christmas carol could provide the template for a more mature, nuanced (but still fun) Blink sound.[3]

So if a Blink reunion is what it takes to get us some extraplanetary options, I guess I'm down. But a Digable Planets tour seems a lot more appropriate.

[1] I guess the “threat” part means they weren’t big fans of ET or Close Encounters.

[2] Surprisingly, they have a pretty good basketball team.

[3] What? You hate that one too? Then don’t waste your time on me. You’re already the voice inside my head!