Hey there person with an uncle/grandpa/dad who loves Will Chamberlain a little too much. You’ve come to exactly the right place. Just in time for the holiday season, here’s another way to mess with that Wilt obsessed older person in your life: by calmly explaining to him that Michael was a way better scorer.

What your uncle will say: It’s just sad when people don’t know their history. I've never cried before, but I may cry now. Michael Jordan’s the greatest scorer you’ve seen play basketball, but here’s a clue for ya, Sherlock! The game of basketball existed before Michael Jordan! As great as Jordan, he couldn’t carry WILT’S CODPIECE! Wilt averaged 50 points a game for an entire season! Don’t know if you heard or not, but Wilt once scored 100 points in a game! And he scored 70 points 6 different times! Jordan scored 70 points in a game exactly ZERO TIMES! Jordan scored 60 points or more….4 times! Wilt scored 60 or more….32 times! And Jordan’s a better scorer! Of what? Motion pictures?! Drugs!? Like you must be on? What am I missing here? Besides the crazy pills?

What you’ll say back: A lot actually. Also, what the hell’s a codpiece anyway? Don’t you mean jockstrap? What are you? A medieval knight? And what the hell does that even mean anyway? How does not carrying someone’s jock strap make you less than them? Why would Michael Jordan want anything to do with Wilt Chamberlain’s jock strap? It’d be weird as hell if he did. But you know what’s really weird? And sad? You don’t remember HALF THE SHIT you said to me growing up! Haven’t you always said the way you measure a player isn’t by the regular season? But by the playoffs? Since all those stats you quoted were regular season, let’s go through that list FOR THE PLAYOFFS! How many 100 point games did Wilt have in the playoffs? Zero? Okay same for Jordan. How many 70 point playoff games did Wilt have? Zero, just like Jordan. 60 point playoff games? One for Jordan, zero for Wilt. 50 point playoff games? 8 for Jordan, 4 for Wilt. 40 point playoff games? 38 for Jordan! 13 for Wilt! And I know what you’re about to say! Jordan did play more playoff games than Wilt! You’re right! Jordan played 179 playoff games to Wilt’s 160. That’s 11 percent more! You know how many more big ass scoring playoff games Jordan had than Wilt? Waaaaaay more than that!!! Also this: you know how many times Jordan was his team's leading scorer in a Finals that he won? Six! You know how many times Wilt was his teams leading scorer in a Finals that he won? Goose egg! So who’s on crazy pills now old man!!!!    

Just say it all real calm-like. Remember, the facts are on your side.