After crashing and burning in the winter Olympics, Michael Jordan will be mocked as a failure. And vilified as cheater (“Bobsleds don’t just explode, man! He musta had a motor in that thing.”).  But Jordan will use it all as dangerously combustible fuel. On top of being motivated, he’ll be quick twitchy as hell. And most importantly—he’ll have been listening to a lot of Anita Baker. So beware. But before we can talk Rockets vs Bulls, we have to talk about whether the Bulls would even make it to the finals. We have to discuss the obstacles that would await Jordan and the ’94 Bulls in a pretty damn compelling Eastern Conference. And we also have to talk about perhaps their greatest challenge: Themselves.

The Orlando Magic-Shaq and Penny had a 50 win team, that looked just about ready to take over the league, but they ended up getting swept 3-0 by the Pacers.  

The Atlanta Hawks—On February 23, 1994, a feel-good Hawks team led by Dominique Wilkins, Kevin Willis, and Pearl Jam favorite Mookie Blaylock, was in a three-way tie for first place in the Eastern Conference. So the next day, they did the only logical thing—they traded their iconic superstar for Danny Manning. Sure, ‘Nique was about to be a free agent, but so was Danny Manning, and Manning ended up signing with the Suns after the season. If the Hawks were so worried about paying the 34 year old Wilkins, they should have just passed the hat around the ATL. As it was, the Manning-led Hawks lost to the Pacers in 6 in the 2nd round. Could there be another parallel universe where the Hawks don’t trade ‘Nique and the Hawks win it all?  Definitely. But there could also be one where Jon Koncak is their best player.

The Indiana Pacers—As you would expect from a Larry Brown coached squad, this was a physical team, led by Reggie Miller, the Dunking Dutchman (AKA Rik Smits), and the “Davis Brothers”, Dale and Antonio. They may have finished a mere 47-35 in the regular season, but like a Vogue Magazine inspired Chicago gal, they got healthy and hot in time for May.

The Knicks—where the Pacers were considered a physical team, the Knicks were somewhere between borderline dirty and incredibly super-dirty, depending on your point of view. And they had lots of history with the Bulls. They lost to Chicago in 7 in ’92, lost in 6 to Chicago in ’93, and beat the Jordan-less Bulls in 7 in ’94. Put Jordan in the mix in ’94 and the series still would have been typical 90s WrestleNBAnia with both teams milking the shot clock like a debt-ridden farmer milking his prized heifer. The Knicks were the best defensive team in the league and the Bulls were right behind. And both teams were at the very bottom of the league in pace.   

The greatest obstacle: The Bulls versus Themselves. The ’94 Bulls loved being playing without Michael Jordan. Scottie said so. BJ Armstrong said so. Horace Grant even went so far as to say they were a better team without Jordan. And there were headlines and articles that wondered the same thing—or at least pretended to. This after the Bulls went from 5-3 championship favorites with Jordan to 25-1 underdogs after he retired. At the beginning of the season, Phil Jackson made sure his team was well aware of those odds. And it worked. In March 1994, not only were the Bulls were relieved to no longer have Jordan berating them and punching them and possibly keeping them from meals. They were also out of his shadow and chasing the best record in the whole damn league. They may not have been the favorites, but they knew they had a chance. (When Jordan came back in 1995, things were different. They Bulls had lost Horace Grant to the Magic, Scottie was pissed at management, and the Bulls were barely over .500. That Jordan-less team wasn’t having fun and knew they weren’t going to win a damn thing.) 

So how in the hell could Michael Jordan come back to that happy and successful Bulls Team in in March of 1994? This looks like a job for Super Phil. And fortunately, Phil Jackson is ready. You know how he gives each player a book to read at the beginning of the season? Well, this year, in the Parallel Universe, he gave them all the same book: The Art and Practice of Astral Projection by Bay Area mystic, Ophiel.

And now, fully confident that each player has read the assignment, the Zen Master and Da Bulls enter a lush forest so that they may partake in a bit of peyote and shamanic drumming, to facilitate a level of consciousness conducive with astral projection into the future—just a few months from now, no big deal. Phil shows them things as they will exist in a world without Michael for the playoffs.

Phil shows the Bulls not earning all-important home court advantage throughout the ‘94 playoffs. He shows them the image of Scottie refusing to enter the game with 1.8 seconds because his feelings are hurt that Toni Kukoc is better at making last second shots. (And truth be told, because Kukoc totally screwed him by getting in his way on the previous possession. This after years of having to hear Jerry Krause rave about the guy like he was his favorite grandkid.) Phil shows the Bulls the questionable Game 5 foul call on Pip against Hubert Davis where it does appear Scottie hits Davis on the arm on the follow-through (but that Davis also kicks his leg out like a Rockette) and while it seems like something that mighr get called in 2020, it's pretty amazing/suspicious that it was called in the final seconds of a 90s game. But most of all, Phil shows them that they will lose painfully to the Knicks in 7. And now the players have only one question. “Since Michael says he wants to come back, what book will you make him to read?” Phil’s Answer: You, Me, and Empathy by Jayneen Sanders (with illustrations by Sofia Cardoso). Some of the guys nod. That book really helped their kids outgrow their bullying. So they’re wiling to give it a shot. As long as Phil can promise them Michael will actually read it. Phil says, “I’ll make sure he at least looks at the pictures.” Michael’s even supposed to show up to the drum circle for a this-how-what-you-did-affected-me intervention. But instead he skips out to play 36 holes at Augusta with his other Phil—Phil Knight.

Michael returns to practice on March 3rd and punches Will Perdue. The next day at practice he punches Bill Wennington. He returns to game action the day after and karate chops Dave Corzine, which is weird, since Dave’s not even on the team anymore—they just bump into each other at the concession stand. In spite of all the mysticism and illustrated children’s books, it’s a rough patch. The ’94 Bulls without Jordan finished 17-5 down the stretch to wind up 57-25. But the Parallel Universe Bills struggle to assimilate MJ back into the offense and finish 13-9 to wind up 53-29. Oh well. At least they’ve still got the 3 seed.

And they’ve still got Jordan. And now they're to the games that really count. The Bulls sweep Cleveland 3-0 in the first round. Then it’s the Knicks in the Conference Semis. Patrick Ewing and Charles Oakley foul Jordan really hard, probably because there’s still some hard feelings over that Jamaica trip. Anthony Mason and John Stark foul Jordan really hard, probably because they’re Anthony Mason and John Starks. A lot of things in this series are exactly as they were without Jordan. Jo Jo English gets in the same exact fight with Derek Harper. There’s even that same queasy lookin' fan in the crowd who bears a strong resemblance to David Stern.

It goes to Game 7. Michael Jordan’s first Game 7 in Madison Square Garden. He goes for 50. And the Bulls win by 1. What? Were you expecting something else?   

They face the 5 seed Pacers in the Eastern Conference Finals and it’s a grind. Home court proves decisive as MJ scores 35 in a 92-82 Game 7 victory. They made it. Now they get the Rockets. Finally. And Michael Jordan makes a guarantee. That he’ll be giving the Rockets the best that he’s got. Which is also the title to a song. See if you can guess the artist.