Elevator Pitching Strikes Back
I must be spending my days hanging out in all the wrong elevators. Because I hardly ever to pitch my ideas to high powered people inside them. Seriously. It almost never happens.
The definition of insanity is repeating the same actions over and over and expecting different results. So I'm not going to keep doing the same old thing. Going up and down. But always winding up back on the ground floor.
Not me man. I'm going to find some new elevators to hang out in.
Plus I'll be pitching to any moguls who may be reading this RIGHT HERE.
So how about a new pitch show?! We’ll call it…Wild Pitches! What are people pitching? Whatever they want. As long as it’s wild as fuck.
Ok, I get it. You want something more specific. How about a show where people pitch apps. Call it The App-Prentice.
Ok, I could see where people might be confused by that one. So how ‘bout ‘Appy Days? App-Pocalypse Now? ‘Apptin’ America?
How ‘bout App Dance?
Oh so you’re tech exec not a TV guy. Perfect. Because I have an actual app I’d like to pitch. It shows you where the nearest driveway basketball hoops are. For whenever you're driving and suddenly realize—you have to get some shots up STAT. Call it…Hoop Finder. Hoop Finder rates on driveway space, levelness, and height of hoop. It also lets you know if any motorboats with tarps are parked in the way. And the likelihood that someone will call the cops. Because let's face it, some folks just don't take kindly to strangers making use of their purely decorative sports equipment.
Speaking of which, this app can even eliminate the thousands of hoops that are so useless as to have no justification for existing. Or it can show only those results, just for kicks. Using only the finest satellite imagery…Hoop Finder. For when you absolutely, positively have to hoop.
Not a driveway hoops guy/gal, huh? Oh, I see. you’re just not a big fan of elevator pitches in general. It’s funny you should say that, you being a mogul and all. But you're definitely gonna want to know about another app that I’m developing. It uses GPS and certain NSA “inspired” tools to show real-time updates of all elevators and whether or not any moguls are inside. It rates the elevators on size, smell, and muzak and rates the moguls on power, smell, and openess to awesome ideas from random strangers.
I’m really close. Inches away. Centimeters away if you're foreign. But give me, I dunno, like $750 a month and I’ll forget all about it. At least until the 15th of next month when your next payment is due.
Trust me dude, you do not want those late fees.