Who's More Evil? Facebook or Google?

Evilness Face-Off: Facebook or Google, who ya got?  

The Case for Facebook – Crazy to think that a company founded by a guy with the balls to jack the business model from a set of preppy crew Ivan Dragos wouldn’t act with the utmost integrity. And yet it’s true! Facebook will sell your data. They’ll sell all your friends and “friends” data too. They’ll even sell your mom’s data. All while leaning in. Just don’t try paying them a nominal fee to promote a blog post that contains words like “shit” and “ass”, because that is exactly the kind of ass shit where Facebook draws the line![1] 

If that’s not enough, consider this: people think so highly of Mark Zuckerberg that the guy who played him in The Social Network got to play Lex Luthor in Batman vs Superman. Even though there are border collies who are more Lex Luthor-like.

Border collies may not be bald like Lex, but they don’t cackle, so they have that in common at least. [2]  

As a prominent critic of Facebook, I just hope they don’t kick-start a smear campaign against me. Wouldn’t be the first time!

The Case for Google – They are collecting all your data. And tracking all your movements. They scan your emails and let other companies dig through them .

You and all your info are for sale…..Just like with Facebook.    

One positive, Google[3] doesn’t sell your data to The Government. But that’s only because they give it to them for free.  

I’m torn. Facebook does all this stuff too. And so does Apple and Microsoft and pretty much every other Big Tech company. Internet Service Providers are in on the act now too. Thanks to Congress and President Trump, they can now sell your browser history.

The Verdict: It’s a close call. But Google goes a little further in terms of just how eager they are to collaborate with The Man.  Whether it’s their recent work with China on a censored search engine  or their past partnering with the Pentagon on the Artificial Intelligence for remote flying killing machines, they’re making it seem like their motto, “Don’t be evil”, might just be ironic.  

But hold on. Google can’t be evil. They have Great Taste.

·         Exhibit A—It’s not there any more, but a few weeks ago, if you searched “Road House Remake” on your phone, you might have come up with this (just scroll down to that sweet logo on the left):

On second thought, great taste doesn’t make Google not evil.  Bond Villains have exquisite taste too—in clothes, in shoes, in volcano hideouts—but does Google know an interesting find or what?

Also on the plus side, Google owns YouTube. They’re harvesting our data from there too, but at least YouTube’s a fun, satisfying ride. I mean, when’s the last time you got done screwing around on Facebook and said “Well that was enjoyable”?   

It’d be a tie. Except Facebook is Less Filling.

Google is a way bigger than Facebook. They recorded $110 billion in revenue in 2017. Facebook was closer to $40 bill.

So Google is way more likely to become our Borg Big Brother. Our Matrix Overlord. But at least, it will be interesting. I bet they’ll even let us say “shit ass.”  

[1] Think I should submit a promo request for this one? What do you think Menlo Park and Irish fan base? 😉

[2] Jesse Eisenberg was, however, great in Zombieland. Adventureland too. Pretty much anything with “Land” in it. If he’d played Lex Luthor in Batman vs Supermanland, it could have worked. 

[3] Or “Alphabet” instead of Google if we’re getting technical. What are you, cheating off Blackwater’s paper?