John Stockton is a Dirty Liar Who Loves to Tell a Fake Larry Bird Story to Try to Seem Cool
John Stockton would like you to believe he’s a wholesome family man who never grabbed defenders when setting screens. But is he? Or is he filthy freaking liar? A filthy freaking liar who just loves telling a fake Larry Bird story about the Legend correctly predicting a 42 point game (sometimes it's 43) to the Jazz Bench right before a game in Utah during Stockton’s rookie season. It’s a story that is provably untrue but of course, that doesn’t stop thousands from being duped into “liking it” and thinking it’s awesome whenever it’s shared on Twitter or YouTube or the Dark Web. I actually haven't confirmed the Dark Web part because I've never been on it and I've never had the chance to ask John Stockton how it works.
The key elements of Stockton’s fake Bird story are:
Larry correctly predicts to the Jazz the number of points he is going to score against them.
Once Larry reaches his arbitrary goal in the 3rd quarter, The Legend checks himself out of the game, with the Celts in possession of a massive lead.
Here’s a clip of Stockton telling the fake Larry Legend story three different times.
And here is the box score from the Boston vs Utah game in the Salt Palace during Stockton’s ’84-’85 rookie season. And in case you think Stockton was confused and meant the game played in Boston during his rookie year, here’s that box score .
Now, to prove a point, and because it’s a fun detour, here’s the list of every 40 point game in Boston Celtics history. There’s plenty of Bird, and a dash of Danny Ainge, Todd Day, and even fellow Celtics legend…Dominique Wilkins? But notice there’s no 42 or 43 point game for Larry against the Jazz. But wait! There is a 40 point Bird game against Utah….In Boston, in 1989 (or, Stockton’s 6th rookie season if you prefer). Funny man Frank Layden was not the coach—non funny man (or funny man for a much different audience) Jerry Sloan was. Bird played 41 minutes and the Celts won by 4 so Larry definitely didn’t check himself out in the 3rd with the Celts way up. But other than that, great story John!!! Thumbs Up!!! Fire emoji!!! As one commenter said of Bird, after seeing the post of what he assumed was true information, “Savage.” Yes, Larry was. Plenty of examples of that. Just not this fake ass story.
It’s funny really. Stockton didn’t want to be part of a “Jordan puff piece” for “The Last Dance” but sure doesn’t mind fabricating content for Bird. And here’s the obvious motive. Stockton may have played it off well, but in reality his psyche was so damaged by Americans not knowing who the hell he was, he decided he’d do whatever it took to try to seem cool. But he knew he was lame and had a kind of a chili bowl haircut. So he had just one chance—he had to make up a story about an actual Legend and put himself in it.
Or maybe he’s just got a bad memory. After all, there were lots of games. Plenty of travel. Plus (I'm assuming) a plethora of wild nights in Salt Lake City partying with the Tabernacle Choir. But the moral to the story is this: whenever an ex-NBA star tells a story, never, ever assume that it’s true.
There actually is a pretty bad ass Larry Bird story about that game at the Salt Palace during Stockton’s rookie year. By the 3rd quarter, Bird had put up 30 points, 12 boards, 10 assists, and 9 steals. In other words, he was one steal away from a quadruple double. And with the Celtics up big, he was informed of that fact but chose not to go back into the game. Of course, there’s no indication that Bird told the Jazz bench before the game that he was going to wind up one steal from quadruple double. Hmm. Maybe Stockton is not a pathological liar and is just confused? Anything's possible but the major difference between the two stories is this: in the 42 (or 43) point story, Bird sets his sights on a very specific stat, achieves it, and drops the mic. But in the real story that has nothing to do with desperate attention hound John Stockton, Bird turns down the chance at a statistical achievement. Hmm. It’s almost as if the real bad ass story has the exact opposite meaning of the fake one. Not that John Stockton cares. He just wants you to think he’s cool.
The celebration John Stockton does every time he sees that someone on social media liked his Larry Bird story.